6 Steps to Take When You Burn Yourself like an Idiot Building this STUPID Cosplay Prop No One Will Notice ANYWAYS

Loosely inspired by events that occurred after I pulled a papier-mâché piece out of the toaster oven and tried to remove the binder clip on it. 

1. Carefully set down the prop in a safe, stable area where it won’t damage anything.

And ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! Too bad you didn’t remember that saying earlier, right?

2. Deliver a string of profanities

You’re going to aim for at least 5 seconds* of straight swearing, insults or questioning your actions, ideally while hold the burned body part and turning in a circle. It helps to have the list pre-planned for the situation. Here are some examples for you to expand on. Remember to put your unique spin on it!

It’s 2 am, you’re alone in your kitchen and sleep deprived:

Bullshit oven! IDIOT why?? Stupid piss-sniffing conduction heat transfer! DICKS! Damn it DAMMIT damn you nerves OW bitch shit

You’re at your loving but reserved mother’s home, and she’s in the room:

AGH crap-on-a-log oh jeeze oh jeeeeze crap crap crap damn sorry shoot! Mom – owww – mom stop laughing! I hate your dumb oven with its stupid gross door owwww

You’re teaching a group of small children, and all their little precious eyes are on you:**

SHHHHsugar! Oh ouch ouch ouch ow darn drat SUGAR and SALT, gosh golly that was a bit silly. See, we all make mistakes, ooow.

*If you were burned by hot glue, carefully remove the hot glue before you begin this step, unless you really want to suffer.

** With their short attention spans, try to limit this display to about 3 seconds

3. Don’t cry

Especially not in front of the children. Crying in front of kids is like bleeding in front of a shark.

4. Treat the burn like the sad, non-medical sap you are

Your first step is to assess if your need to see a doctor. Since this is a cosplay blog, and not a place to get medical advice, you’re on your own. Try using Google or calling your sister who’s in med school.  For extra fun, after looking at gross photos of burns, check Web-MD. Just set aside at least 45 minutes for freaking out about that weird mole on your left butt cheek.

Here are various home remedies for simple burns:

  1. Run cold water over the burn.
  2. Apply ice, wrapped in a towel or something.
  3. Aloe vera. Luckily it’s the one house plant you haven’t killed yet.

5. Tell your friends

What’s the point in hurting yourself in a moronic way if you can’t tell everyone who loves and respects you? Well, used to respect you.

Make sure you spice up the narration. Ideas:

  • See, I hadn’t slept in 3 days!
  • But the prop was on fire!
  • And then I realized it WAS THE CAT IN THE OVEN!!

6. Get back to work, while admiring your sweet looking burns

Because this cosplay ain’t gonna build itself.

If the burn is bad enough, consider incorporating it into your cosplay. Yeah, Belle is cool, but what about a Beauty and the Beast and a Fallout crossover? The possibilities are endless.

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